I remember when I was playing softball when I was younger, we loved to yell chants or cheers while our teammates were at-bat. A lot of them were ridiculous. Okay, probably all of them were. But we had fun and I still remember a few of them after all these years and occasionally one will get stuck in my head. The one that has stayed with me all this time as I've trained for races is, "You've gotta want it, to win it, and we want it bad! You gotta be good, to win it, and we are the best!" Not that I've ever won a race or will ever, but you get the idea behind the motivation. That chant would pop into my mind from time to time when running was hard and it would remind me that I need to keep going because I had goals I wanted to accomplish.
Well frankly, right now, that doesn't apply to me. At all. I don't want it.
I don't want to train for a full marathon.
I don't want to run in the cold, rain, snow, ice, wind, heat, etc.
I don't want to give up 3 nights a week to running after work.
I don't want to get up early on Saturday mornings to go log miles with my group.
I don't want to give up my lunch breaks so I can cross train.
To put it the most simply, I just don't want it.
I'm sure it's a combination of a lot of things. I've been in this training funk since November and it's getting old.
I do know that after my full at Route 66
it left me completely deflated. I crossed trained 2-4 times a week, I ran 4 days a week. I worked on my diet and nutrition trying to find the right combination and did all of this from July to December when I ran my last full marathon in Honolulu.
I'm burned out and deflated. I'm deflated because I put in a lot of work for Route 66, my goal race, and it didn't even come close to my plan A or B goals.
I'm deflated because I run marathons and gain weight. I gain it quickly and a lot of it. I know it's possible but it doesn't make sense. I've said it before but my Doctor recommended a low carb diet to control my weight. Well low carb and 20 mile runs don't mix. Just sayin...
I know, I know. You're thinking, you win some and you lose some. I get that. But I worked hard and for a long time and crashed and burned and it just took it all out of me.
I struggle with my weight. I struggle with the medications I'm on to control my PCOS symptoms. I struggle with motivation. I struggle with my nutrition. I struggle with Plantar Fasciitis.
(I know I'm not the only one that struggles but this is a venting post that is long overdue and I'm hoping that it helps me get it out so I can move forward.) #BloggingAsTherapy
When I started a new medication to treat my PCOS in September, it caused a lot of side effects that were detrimental to my running. It made me even more sensitive to the heat (great), it caused a sharp, stop-you-in-your-tracks, pain in my rib cage, it made me pour buckets of sweat even on cold days, and it messed with my cardio/ability to breath while running. Then, as if all that wasn't bad enough, about 30-45 minutes after a long run, I would get extremely
nauseated. I knew that after a long run I couldn't go to breakfast with my group or stand around for chit chat. I needed to be home because I would be so sick, I'd curl up on the floor unable to move until it passed. Luckily, one of my Doctors said I should stop taking it. Frankly, he was a little surprised I was on this particular medicine even though I told my other doctor I am running and training for marathons. My primary doctor is also a seasoned marathon runner so I trust him and decided to stop taking it this month and we'll see what PCOS symptoms pop up and I'll figure out how to deal with those.
The third and final blow is that shortly after my long runs my plantar fasciitis has been flaring up pretty bad and made it hard to walk without a limp. I've been working on it, but it takes time.
So in summary, it hurt while running, it was hard to run due to impaired cardio ability, then I'd get extremely sick after a run, and last and certainly least, I could barely walk the next day and a half because of foot pain. No wonder I lost my desire to run. I know running is not always easy, but come on! Sometimes you actually need to enjoy it to want to continue on the bad days. Or in my case, bad months.
To say that I've been "phoning it in" the first 8 weeks of my training cycle would be an understatement. I had to drop back a pace group in my running club, which is fine, that is why there is more than one. I haven't ran 4 times a week yet. I haven't logged nearly enough miles in the runs that I have completed, and today was only the third time I went to the gym to cross-train in 2015.
Long story short, I need to get my motivation back. My next marathon is about 8 weeks away. I know going into this race that my one and only goal will be to finish it and collect my medal before the cut-off time. This is why I've mentioned that I'm going to retire from the full marathon for a while and stick to half marathons and working on my 5k time.
Okay, venting over. The end.