I remember when I was playing softball when I was younger, we loved to yell chants or cheers while our teammates were at-bat. A lot of them were ridiculous. Okay, probably all of them were. But we had fun and I still remember a few of them after all these years and occasionally one will get stuck in my head. The one that has stayed with me all this time as I've trained for races is, "You've gotta want it, to win it, and we want it bad! You gotta be good, to win it, and we are the best!" Not that I've ever won a race or will ever, but you get the idea behind the motivation. That chant would pop into my mind from time to time when running was hard and it would remind me that I need to keep going because I had goals I wanted to accomplish. 

Well frankly, right now, that doesn't apply to me. At all. 

I don't want it.

I don't want to train for a full marathon. 
I don't want to run in the cold, rain, snow, ice, wind, heat, etc.
I don't want to give up 3 nights a week to running after work.
I don't want to get up early on Saturday mornings to go log miles with my group.
I don't want to give up my lunch breaks so I can cross train. 

To put it the most simply, I just don't want it.

Why?

I'm sure it's a combination of a lot of things. I've been in this training funk since November and it's getting old.  

I do know that after my full at Route 66 it left me completely deflated. I crossed trained 2-4 times a week, I ran 4 days a week. I worked on my diet and nutrition trying to find the right combination and did all of this from July to December when I ran my last full marathon in Honolulu. 

I'm burned out and deflated. I'm deflated because I put in a lot of work for Route 66, my goal race, and it didn't even come close to my plan A or B goals. 

I'm deflated because I run marathons and gain weight. I gain it quickly and a lot of it. I know it's possible but it doesn't make sense. I've said it before but my Doctor recommended a low carb diet to control my weight. Well low carb and 20 mile runs don't mix. Just sayin...

I know, I know. You're thinking,  you win some and you lose some. I get that. But I worked hard and for a long time and crashed and burned and it just took it all out of me.

I struggle.

I struggle with my weight. I struggle with the medications I'm on to control my PCOS symptoms. I struggle with motivation. I struggle with my nutrition. I struggle with Plantar Fasciitis. 

(I know I'm not the only one that struggles but this is a venting post that is long overdue and I'm hoping that it helps me get it out so I can move forward.) #BloggingAsTherapy

When I started a new medication to treat my PCOS in September, it caused a lot of side effects that were detrimental to my running. It made me even more sensitive to the heat (great), it caused a sharp, stop-you-in-your-tracks, pain in my rib cage, it made me pour buckets of sweat even on cold days, and it messed with my cardio/ability to breath while running. Then, as if all that wasn't bad enough, about 30-45 minutes after a long run, I would get extremely nauseated. I knew that after a long run I couldn't go to breakfast with my group or stand around for chit chat. I needed to be home because I would be so sick, I'd curl up on the floor unable to move until it passed. Luckily, one of my Doctors said I should stop taking it. Frankly, he was a little surprised I was on this particular medicine even though I told my other doctor I am running and training for marathons. My primary doctor is also a seasoned marathon runner so I trust him and decided to stop taking it this month and we'll see what PCOS symptoms pop up and I'll figure out how to deal with those.

The third and final blow is that shortly after my long runs my plantar fasciitis has been flaring up pretty bad and made it hard to walk without a limp. I've been working on it, but it takes time.

So in summary, it hurt while running, it was hard to run due to impaired cardio ability, then I'd get extremely sick after a run, and last and certainly least, I could barely walk the next day and a half because of foot pain. No wonder I lost my desire to run. I know running is not always easy, but come on! Sometimes you actually need to enjoy it to want to continue on the bad days. Or in my case, bad months. 

To say that I've been "phoning it in" the first 8 weeks of my training cycle would be an understatement. I had to drop back a pace group in my running club, which is fine, that is why there is more than one. I haven't ran 4 times a week yet. I haven't logged nearly enough miles in the runs that I have completed, and today was only the third time I went to the gym to cross-train in 2015.

Long story short, I need to get my motivation back. My next marathon is about 8 weeks away. I know going into this race that my one and only goal will be to finish it and collect my medal before the cut-off time. This is why I've mentioned that I'm going to retire from the full marathon for a while and stick to half marathons and working on my 5k time. 

Okay, venting over. The end.

It's Your Turn to Vent! What has been bothering you lately?

 


Comments

02/24/2015 7:56am

Oh girl, I have been right where you are. It really sucks when every single run feels impossibly hard, regardless of the reason. It sucks when something you used to love starts feeling like a chore, but so much of your identity as a person (and a blogger) is tied to that one activity. I completely understand and I felt the same way after the Rehoboth Beach Marathon in December. I feel like running is harder for me than it is for a lot of people who seem to just naturally get better all the time and who don't struggle with the heat or a million medical issues or whatever. I had to finally just give myself permission to not train for anything, even races I had already committed to. I hated it too much and it wasn't worth it. Eventually, I got my motivation back and now I'm enjoying running again and am training for another marathon, but if I start to hate it, I will just stop. It's not worth hating so much of my life, since so much revolves around training! I think it will be good for you to focus on the half marathon and 5k for awhile, and I hope you figure out what works best for your PCOS!

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RunGingerRun - Sarah
02/24/2015 7:42pm

Thank you. I remember reading your blog posts about it and just being like YES! OMG, YES! It just took a while for me to bring it out on the blog, but I'm ready to step back and have fun with half marathons for a while. Maybe forever, who knows! I'll train how I feel and we'll see what the future holds.

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02/24/2015 8:14am

Very tough spot to be in right now. When you lose your mojo, it's hard to get it back. However, because I follow this blog regularly I'm gonna dare suggest a diagnosis based on what I you have posted here these past year. Forgive my intrusion in advance.

There have been some health issues and that is always a factor but I would dare say that you are not burned out from running. I think you are burned out from marathons more than anything else. You set up three marathons pretty much back to back and one of them is still on the horizon. They have been tough races for sure so far. Hot and humid. Bad conditions overall but especially harsh for a ginger and the results show it. That coupled with frustration on not getting the times you were expecting are a recipe for a funk. Not to mention that you haven't been doing any other signifcant races other than marathons so you haven't been getting "good news" in a while. Not every runner does marathons. Especially so often. I sure don't lol

Get healthier. Aim for shorter distances. Run less times a week for a while. Take nice long break even. Ease up on the pressure you are putting on yourself. Have fun. You will get your mojo back.

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RunGingerRun - Sarah
02/24/2015 7:45pm

Thanks for all the support and encouragement Frank! You're definitely on the mark. Too many marathons in too short of a time. I might turn into one a year or one every other year and just have fun with some other races. I'm taking baby steps towards getting healthier. I went to the gym again today and 3 weeks ago I met with a nutritionist. Baby steps will hopefully get me back in the game with the right motivation. Thanks again for listening to me vent! :)

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Amber
02/24/2015 8:40am

Gurllll.... I wish I could take away all of your frustrations. I hate this for you because you are a badass runner. It is okay to take a step back and re-evaluate goals. You have to do what is best for you, and only you. I love your plan of focusing on half-marathons and your 5k time. Regardless of what distance you choose to run, I will always be your biggest cheerleader! Hang in there, homie! ***HUGS*** :)

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RunGingerRun - Sarah
02/24/2015 7:32pm

Thanks lady! I appreciate all the support and virtual hugs! Definitely couldn't have made it this far without you! ::hugs::

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Edna Wall
02/24/2015 8:51am

I am in the same funk this training session. Due to my injuries I have not been able to train properly which causes my marathons to be brutal. I think we just have to keep going and take baby steps till we get healthy. You are an awesome runner just keep at it.

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RunGingerRun - Sarah
02/24/2015 7:30pm

Thanks Edna! I really appreciate the kind words. You take care of yourself too. I want our marathons to be fun, not brutal! :)

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02/24/2015 10:36am

We've all gone through burn out, so I totally feel you. I regret switching to the full now, (the high here was 10 yesterday), but to be honest, running through winter makes it go faster AND makes you faster for spring.
Not to mention, that Dorothy medal is so much cuter than the flying monkey! My coach wants me to run my first 10 miles with you, we will have fun!
When I called to switch to the full, the RD told me the course is fast and a lot of people end up PRing! I know you aren't trying to, neither am I, but that piece of info definitely helped me!
Don't give up ginger.

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RunGingerRun - Sarah
02/24/2015 7:48pm

LOL That Dorothy medal is about the only thing that has really gotten my through my long runs! Ha! The things that motivate us....
I'm pretty sure if I wasn't so excited to FINALLY get to run with you and get that medal, I would have DNS this race for sure. But things will get better over the next 8 weeks and we will have fun! I'm encouraged by the prospect of a fast course. I have a few friends with PRs on this course. I'm not looking for one, but at least I know it won't be awful!

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Lindsay Long
02/24/2015 10:55am

The Fam loves you!! It's always difficult when you're in a slump but don't worry. Slumps Always end! Well do some fun runs to switch things up a bit. And trust me when you see me struggle cause I've been a lazy ass you'll feel better 😁😁😉 love ya bunches! 💙💙

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RunGingerRun - Sarah
02/24/2015 7:35pm

Definitely love my Fam! Yes! Definitely need to do some fun 5ks with my girls! We'll get through it together! :)

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02/24/2015 11:33am

I know how you feel. I turned to triathlon to be more balanced, and periodize the running with short races in the first part of the year. I love the idea of blogging as therapy. I bet you can go back and read through some old blog posts on some stellar moments that can help bring you back.

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RunGingerRun - Sarah
02/24/2015 7:36pm

Thanks Rene! I really hadn't even thought of that, but I think that's a great idea. It will help me remember that I did actually love it at some point.

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Tim
02/24/2015 12:58pm

Sarah! So sorry to hear about your struggles, but thank you for sharing. It's amazing what you overcome daily to keep running - huge inspiration. You're a great writer, runner and BRP, even if (right now) you don't want it! :)

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RunGingerRun - Sarah
02/24/2015 7:38pm

Thanks Tim! I definitely love being a part of the BRP team and it has truly helped me keep at it!

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02/24/2015 9:04pm

i have been right there with you Sarah! Complete funk. Burned and worn out from all the training for Route 66. I feel good after I get those few runs in sporadically but overall I have no desire to run. Since starting a new job my schedule is more restricted too and am forced to get up early to workout for sure. It's too dark at 5 am to run yet so I've been doing workout DVDs for now trying to get a routine back in place. Small steps for now. Once day light savings time is back in place maybe morning runs can once again be a thing during the week.

Hang in there girl!

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RunGingerRun - Sarah
02/25/2015 6:31pm

So sorry to hear the funk has you too, Kim! Hopefully you'll get all set in your routine and get back in the groove.
Thanks for the encouragement!

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Shaun
02/25/2015 2:59pm

Relax and breathe!!!! Everyone goes into a funk from time to time, we have all been there. Best advice I can give you is remember why you started running. Don't set times, don't worry about the result just go have fun and run

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RunGingerRun - Sarah
02/25/2015 6:28pm

Thanks Shaun! I'm just going to take the rest of my training easy and try to enjoy it as much as possible. Then take a break! :)

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02/25/2015 9:07pm

Sarah, I understand and have been there. If it isn't fun anymore, I say take a break. After you get through the issues that are more important, you will come back stronger.

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RunGingerRun - Sarah
02/25/2015 10:08pm

Thanks Don! That is definitely the plan. After my full in April, I'll be able to take off a few months and see where I end up.

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02/27/2015 5:06pm

When you said you didn't want to train in the cold, rain, snow, ice, wind, and heat, it occurred to me that we've experienced all of it within just a couple of weeks. I joke about hating the treadmill, but having one at home really makes dealing with weather like this a lot easier.

Sorry to hear you're struggling with health and motivation. I know the feeling all too well albeit for different reasons. I seriously considered quitting running in early 2013 after a bad marathon attempt and some health issues. As soon as it warmed up, though, I started getting that urge to go running again. Hopefully some time off to rest and recuperate will help you decide what you want to do next.


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RunGingerRun - Sarah
03/02/2015 2:31pm

Thanks Jason! You are right, we did have all of that in the first couple months of my training plan. Good ol' Oklahoma for you! Hope your ankle is doing alright!

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